Absence de solitude

I think I understand
how to live a better life
where you can improve
yourself and others

Absence de solitude
the freedom from jealous
thoughts and heartache
the dull and sullen state

A time when you have
no shortfall of love
is when your heart
can ache for better

Share the joy, and pain
that life can be lived again
a model of simplicity
the essence is in abundance

Hold Your Breath

In your darkest hour,
giving up on everything.
Just when you stop caring,
and start falling to pieces.

A burst, a flame, a moment,
drains you of all doubt and pain.
Shines a light of love so strong,
you have to close your eyes.

Everything is not lost,
there is always hope.
Love is a living being,
love is living, being.

Robert Wyatt

“You make your little pond but if your pond isn’t connected to the river, which isn’t connected to an ocean,
it’s just going to dry up. It’s just a little piss pool. I’ve lived too long to be happy in a pond.”

Keep yourself relevant, stay connected to the ocean.

Leck mich im Arsch!

Leck mich im Arsch!
Laßt uns froh sein!
Murren ist vergebens!
Knurren, Brummen ist vergebens,
ist das wahre Kreuz des Lebens,
das Brummen ist vergebens,
Knurren, Brummen ist vergebens, vergebens!
Drum laßt uns froh und fröhlich, froh sein!

Lick me in the ass!
Let us be glad!
Grumbling is in vain!
Growling, droning is in vain,
is the true bane of life,
Droning is in vain,
Growning, droning is in vain, in vain!
Thus let us be cheerful and merry, be glad!

Consequences of life.

Sometimes I think we kill ourselves
when the flame of passion flickers.
Why the desperation when our lives
are too short to enjoy, and too long
to live with that?

Is all happiness a delusion?
Our only recourse is to spread ourselves.
Thin crepes of love, nobody gets enough.
On our dead hearts we heap more promises.

Sometimes I see the spark of joy in your eyes,
and I’m sure it’s true. But your dreams
bring you all that I can’t make real.
And so another piece of me melts away.

Will there be anything left of me?
When the time comes for us to see,
face-to-face what we’ve done.
Will I cry, will I have hope anymore?
Or will it be a great life lived?

The burnt and wilted ache of my heart,
hard to feel anything at all.
Don’t want to, even if I could.

Hallelujah

Well I heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don’t really care for music, do ya?
Well it goes like this, the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composes Hallelujah

Well your faith was strong, but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew ya
She tied you to her kitchen chair
And she broke your throne, and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew a Hallelujah

Well baby I’ve been here before
I’ve seen this room and I’ve walked this floor, you know
I used to live alone before I knew ya
And I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch
And love is not a victory march
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah

Well there was a time when you let me know
What’s really going on below
But now you never show that to me do ya
But remember when I moved in you
And the Holy Dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Maybe there’s a God above
But all I have ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya
And it’s not a cry that you hear at night
It’s not somebody who’s seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah

Moving Forward

So happy to be one again,
I forget what I was doing.
Such visceral joy in love,
I forget what I’m holding.

My motives broken,
my heart renewed.
I need to shift myself
towards you.

We’ll clear some land,
and start something new.
Our hearts are one,
let our path be true.

Lollipop Lane

Welcome friends to Lollipop Lane.
Where candy flowers ripen and gum drops reign.
have your fill, friends, for it won’t be free long,
for soon this bounty will fetch quite a song.

You see, there’s more people coming, and eating it up,
without a care for people who live on this supp.
The wealthy have hired and are clearing all out,
and the flowers turned oily and black from gout.

In Lollipop Lane, we had all that we’d need,
but lost our birthright to people and greed.
Now we have naught but the strength of our back,
to fight off hunger, nature’s slowest attack.

So heed my fair warning, it’ll soon be all gone,
everything you see that’s done right and done wrong.
In the long dark night when nobody cares,
A flash of cold eyes betray their hungry stares.

Beautiful Moments

The beautiful moments in life
float in a sea of sound, wrapped
like riddles in the music, only for you
it is your lasting fingerprint.

The rhythm of a heartbeat,
pulsing, the look in her eyes
the soaring lyric of bated breath.
The softness in a lover’s touch.

The waves of feeling sweep over
us and we melt into life’s
essence. The depth of love, only
bound by time and space.

On Affectation and Affection

One is the heart speaking, the other is the mouth.
A warm, sunny feeling, when it’s raining out.

The comfort of silence is pallid and greyed.
Forever to keep and feel what you can’t give away.

Am I so broken as to never say it plain?
When my heart is aching and wants to live again.

My mind is playing tricks on my heart’s foolish whims.
I would give everything to feel again before life dims.

Today I am lonely.

The Trees Breathe

The trees breathe, can you sense it?
Their eddies and currents, always flowing.
My life is an open book, uninteresting read,
But all life is a rich volume of endless chaos.
The river runs strong here, where the faults meet.
Tuning in the universe, riding the bull.

Can this optimism survive? mine didn’t.
What meaning lies within us, savages.
The truth lies in messages, meanings, memes.
Look the gift horse in the mouth.
Make the commitment to yourself, then others.
Live for love, live for truth, live for compassion.

And you will be alive.

Moments of Inertia

Gasping breath
Endless confusion
Violent vertigo
Beached senses
Visceral longing
Ethereal rythyms
Physical Kairos
Manic mentat
Chemical synergy
Feline hunter
Electromagnetic pulsing
Spontaneous love
Quenched thirst
Ecstatic synapses
Gathering storm
Spontaneous life
Conditioned trust
Gravity decaying
Senseless self
Fatigued breath
Spontaneous death

---

Nothing
Everything

Glottis Voica

Everyone has moments in their lives that rudder us towards where we are now. I remember quite vividly one of my moments that, while I was too young to realize, has gifted me with a demon to face up to and make me stronger.

Singing has always been one of my joyous indulgences in life. I burst forth in song at every opportunity (many times inopportune), and this was always fostered by my mom, who would always sing along with me in the car. I loved singing so much that in grade 4, I decided to tryout for the Peterborough Youth Choir. This was a prestigious establishment, and while they pretty much let everyone in, I approached the matter with the utmost gravity.

In my own limpid style, preparing for the tryout meant playing video games.

So, relying heavily on my own natural musical talents, I entered the examination room with apprehension. Which quickly matured to primal fear when I saw the stern-looking choir master come into the room. She was an imposing figure, who quickly demanded that I sing a scale.

Quaking in my boots, I mustered up all the gumption I had, drew upon my past lives, took a deep breath.

And squeaked.

I couldn’t emit a single note. I tried again, nothing but a hissing of clenched and frightened vocal cords. I was paralyzed, dumbstruck, destroyed. “Why would he try out for a choir when he can’t sing?” I ran unthinking from the room, like a gazelle leaping away from the jaws of a tiger, totally and utterly crushed, crying at my own stupidity, “of course I can’t sing”.

I didn’t sing for years after that, the very idea of singing would take me back to that awful squeaky note, and I would shut it away again. My vocal demon had broken me. I simply accepted that I couldn’t sing, and that I would never again expose myself to such embarrassment.

I couldn’t stop loving music, so I took up trumpet, piano and guitar as an alternative to my own horrible voice. But I still had to sing, singing is the purest form of music, the closest we get to pure musical ecstasy, no equipment, no tuning, no boundaries. I began to sing in the car, sing in the shower, hum and whistle. Years passed with nobody hearing a note pass through my lips, but I loved it, reveled in it.

It finally dawned on me that I would never be able to sing in front of people if I didn’t start. It was a simple yet powerful Zen realization, and so I began singing in front of my brother, friends, family, I sang while playing guitar, sang along with songs on the radio. I simply gave up caring about embarrassment, and it freed me from the fear that had so gripped me. Now, I sing whenever the mood strikes me, I am more connected to the songs I love, and I feel better about myself.

I’m not perfect, and I don’t have to be.
Come along and sing with me.

Soulwax

This is a transcription of a crazy drugged-up MC in a Soulwax mix. If you haven’t checked out Soulwax or 2manydjs, give the Radio Soulwax sessions a try.

“Hey yo, fuck that Felix, you gotta hit ‘em with that 13, 14 minute version. You know what I’m sayin, you just gotta hit them with that shit, where they marinate, where they, where they just engulfed in the shit, where they, they just…I hate when a motherfucker play a 4 minute version of a record…

You can’t even get into your thing on a 4 minute version, you know what I’m saying, I wanna make… This album goes out to all the motherfuckers that like 15, 20 minute versions of a motherfuckin record. Where you can get into your thing, you feel me? I’m sending this album out to all the motherfuckers in the after-hours spots.

Yeah, I’m not making that, just jump on the radio and you know, and, be #1 on the pop of the charts in London. Naw, I’m just making this shit for them motherfuckers that’s in them after-hour spots. Them divided souls, them motherfuckers that’s catching the holy ghost through the music. Minding they own, you know how you just be mindin your own business, listening to your music, doin your thing, you know, however you doin it. Them motherfuckers in the after-hours spots, the love. the motherfuckers with the love, you gotta have the love, so I’m sending this shit out to the motherfuckers that like them 20 minute versions.

Number 2, the DJ’s that aren’t afraid to play the 20 minute versions, DJ’s that got patience. Motherfucker, don’t be a crowd-pleaser, dick-sucker, ass-kisser, motherfuckin DJ. Play the 20 minute version for the 2 motherfuckers that understand it, ok. I’m sending it out to you. I’m sending it out to motherfuckers in after-hours spots.

I’m sending it out to the motherfuckers that um, you know, gettin high in the after-hours spots. I’m not really promoting drugs but shit, if you gonna up that late, you might as well be doing something. You know, shit, you get your motherfuckin life right, one day or another, um, but Yeah, shout out to you too, y’all mothefuckers understand it, and I’m sending it out to me, and yeah, cuz I deserve a shout out too…yeah…sending it out to me… handle it… motherfucker.”

Give Up Your Light

Light falls like snow around me,
Whispered warnings and lost sheep,
All the stars my eyes can’t see,
Don’t make it easier to sleep.

Together is the way forward.
Give up your light, give up your light.
You will get it back stronger.
Give up your light, share your light.

Be good to people who need healing,
Love your place and time.
Give others your most peaceful feelings,
And be rewarded in kind.

Can’t take these island lives.
Give up your light, give up your light.
While the hope within us dies.
Give up your light, share with us your light.

- Dave

Hope for Humanity

I am dead inside, there’s nobody home.
How can I bring myself back to life,
after so long.

Weight of all our mistakes, turned to bones.
I don’t suffer this alone, the horror of we,
you understand it.

We are a byproduct of an entropic universe,
a glowing ember, burning with such gentleness,
We are nothing.

We can’t hide forever, from empty lives.
What, if anything, should we try to be?
I cannot see.

But do not dispair, we may still have meaning.
if you pick up the torch and give your life some.
Hope.

- Dave

Waiting for the Snow

I had a vision, where the hills didn’t end,
and a hot chocolate stand around every bend,
The board dissapears into the glittering snow,
as the wind grabs at you, somehow you know,

There is only one moment like this, my time.

- Dave

Once Bitten, Forever Shy

You deserve the best,
and you’re not settling for less.
you could be old and gray,
and with nobody to play,
but you’ve kept your head high.

To never try again,
means you must abstain.
I don’t want to live that clean,
so please don’t be mean,
because I have to die someday.

Don’t want to be lonely,
Don’t want to get hurt,
Don’t want to even start.
Just love, and nothing more.

- Dave

Reflections

Such a simple thing, a shift of view.
Changes everything within you.
Makes your whole world spin,
Lift your mind above the din.

You don’t need god to light the way,
look inside yourself, do it today.
If you don’t realize that you are a whole,
how can you ever have any parts?

- Dave

When

When you are dreaming of dyin’,
not much seems worth tryin’.
And your eyes lose their depth,
when you contemplate death.

How can you eat, when your soul is famished?
How can you drink, when your love is so dry?
How can you cry, when you have no more tears?
How can you die, when life’s not worth living?

- Dave

Purpose

Today, the winds blow stale air,
drying my skin and leaving me bare.
Have you found the life you were needing?
or does your heart too, pale from bleeding.

Like mine. Does your food taste empty?
Like mine. When your heart, not mine, has plenty?
Like mine. Do your thoughts run frantic?
Like mine. Do you feel anything, at all?

Today, the sky isn’t blue for me,
and the lingering death still fills the air.
Have you drawn yourself towards outstretched hands?
and am I the only one who can’t understand?

Like me. Do you cry yourself to sleep?
Like me. Do you mourn the lost sheep?
Like me. Do your doubts wash away hope?
Like me. Are you falling from your rope?

I need to kill this pain,
and start again,
I need to end this game,
that I can’t win.

- Dave

This Christmas

My heart sinks, my mind recoils.
Did you really say that?
What now? How do I live again?

How did you give your affections away so easily,
when they were always kept at arms length from me?
The precious jewel that was never meant for my heart.

How do I resolve the battle between new life and old loss.
and learn to live without a love that never happened?

Cruel winds blow at the dawn of winter,
and we call it a holiday.

- Dave

Waiting for the sun.

My life ripped in two,
one half suddenly veers away from me,
without enough warning.

So I sit and catch my breath,
between the sharp and the dull,
who will comfort me now, who will care?

I will find love again,
but maybe never as good, as pure,
that’s the loss I’m mourning.

- Dave

On Unbearable Things

To love the past is to embrace death and rot,
and when the future is all you’ve got,
the present is where you must live.

The gore of a love not shared,
and your empty soul is bared,
but can you still find the will to give?

Why me, why you, why anyone?
should bear this burden, hot as the sun,
can we still share ourselves, our jealous hearts?

Maybe.

- Dave

First Post!

Today I am born,
I come stubbornly from the womb.
My heart is torn.
I breathe air again; too soon!

What you gave to me I can never repay,
What you took from me is always yours.

Today I am worn,
My sleeve stained with my blood.
It cannot be morn,
My awful dreams were too good.

We lived a lifetime, in four short years.
We paid the price, but committed no crime.

- Dave